"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
