The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
