So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
