How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
