I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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