So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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