I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
