I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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