Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
