I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
