i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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