i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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