gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
