Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
