It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
