There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
