First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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