I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
