My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
