I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
