Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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