Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
