I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
