I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
