He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize