I hope mine doesn't look like that
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
