Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize