dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
