1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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