Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
