That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home