Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up

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(954): View more from Florida

I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

You should probably take note of that and make it happen.

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(260): View more from Indiana

Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.

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(812): View more from Indiana

After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.

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(714): View more from California

someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.

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(518): View more from New York

Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.

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