Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
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my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.