Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.