She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS