If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.