Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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