Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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