your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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