Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
