I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
