Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
