searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
