Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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