not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
