I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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