My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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