is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
