I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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