Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
