So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
