Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
