put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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