We're facebook friends in real life
i barfeds in our rink
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
