How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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