The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
