Hey man sorry I got all grabby
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
