Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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