and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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