You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
