sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
