the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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