He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
