I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
