my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
