If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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